Feeling happy vs. feeling blessed

“So much sorrow and pain, still I will not live in vain. Like good questions never asked, is wisdom wasted on the past.” - Ben Harper - Blessed to be a Witness

I can’t say I’m happy these days. But I could say I was not so long ago. Maybe I should even say that I was blinded by happiness. Were all my needs satisfied? Not really. Looking back, there were things that were not as I expected. Yet I remember overall I was happy. But more than that, I felt blessed for the opportunities I had. For people I wish were more close, then at least they were around at times. For people I wish were more committed, then at least they were around at some point to make things happen.

Today, I’m not happy, I feel so empty and so lonely at times. I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder whether this is a nightmare, how all what I’m going through just doesn’t make any sense. I think about the time that had passed, and I just cry. And when these thoughts are gone, then I spend time with people I love, family, friends, or even strangers I just met. We laugh, we talk, and these are happy times. And these little moments remind me that I am still so blessed with life.